I can breathe. . . .

I just had the most amazing phone call with my husband. He called from port and it is the first time I have heard his voice in a month. But the most amazing thing is all of the stuff that we talked about. He spent $50 to buy 2 phone cards so that we could talk for 2 hours. . that was a great surprise. I don't know why, but we both just started opening up and talking about things that we have never really talked about. We have had some really rough years in our marriage and to be honest. . neither one of us thought that it would last. Not because we didn't care about each other, just because we had given up on each other. But that is a whole different story. Things were BAD. But things have gotten better in the last 6 months. A LOT better. I am very guilty of not being there for him in his times of need, because I felt like he was never there for me. . so when his dad passed away. . I did what I needed to do as far as help organize the funeral, and take care of the financials and getting the house and stuff taken care of. . but I never really opened myself up to him to let him grieve. . yes, I had beef with his dad. . but that should never have made me not be there for my husband. Anyway, that is another REALLY long story. And I have done quite a few other things that i really regret. I had a talk with my best friend one night about all of our problems and things I did and things he did. . and she just told me that she feels like everything, good or bad, happens for a reason, and if it wouldn't have happened I wouldn't be feeling like I am today. It just kind of switched a light on for me. She is totally right. Now this is the same person I have been trying to give marital advice to, she needs to just listen to herself. . lol. But from that day on, I have realized that I am more in love with my husband than the day that I married him. . and I cant thank her enough for that. Yes, before I was getting to this point. . I was finally happy with him, and the way things were going, but I just needed that push to realize that everything was going to be okay. And after talking to him today, I know that everything is going to be okay. We were both in tears when we got off the phone. . and he was around hundreds of guys, but he said he didn't care. He talked to me about things that had been bothering him about us, and I did the same thing, and we talked about his dad dying. . and a lot of other things. It was a GREAT talk. . probably one of the best we have ever had. I am just so at peace right now. . it is a wonderful feeling. Also, for anyone who cares. We have decided that as soon as he gets home we are going to have another baby. This was his idea. I have tossed around the thought, but I wanted to wait until it was a better time for him. . but the more I kept thinking about it, I realized that there never would be a perfect time for us. . if we wait until shore duty maddison will be 5, nearly 6 before we had it, and I just don't want them that far apart. . so we will officially be trying when he gets home. I am so excited. On another note. . maddison is sick. . I feel sorry for her. . she is running a fever and puking.. .fun fun. Hopefully she will feel better tomorrow.